Miserable

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I think I need to be here for a little while right now. Just breathe and be…..
I felt really miserable after work today. Nothing worked out as it was supposed to. It started well, greetings and smiles and we all set to go out and do a good job. Got going, then my coworker yells for me to look, it’s raining outside, really pouring down. I get back to work, don’t think more about it, then get called back again. No one gets into the store because of the little flood outside making everyone wet. And it still pours.
I get back to work…and then all hell breaks loose. A customer noticing water is coming in. It comes in fast! My coworker yells for me to please find the boys (boss and another coworker) I run to get them and they look at me and then comes to see what’s happening. Then I act fast.
I take off my shoes and jump right into the huge puddle to try to get the drainage work faster.

I keep working while a woman customer comes and wants me to go get something from the store for her, she will pay me then I pay the cashier. I tell her calmly I can’t, that I need to stay where I am. She starts asking what do I do, what do I do, I can’t get my shoes wet, oh what happens if my shoes get wet, can you help me? I keep going and tell her no I need to stay put.

Boss comes running with a hose; he asks me to unwind for a power drainer. Coworkers and customers help out from inside the store with brooms to stop the water from flooding in even more. I get the drainage to work to the point it’s possible to get in and out by staying on the ledge by the wall. By now I’m soaked, but I do not care. It still pours and pours. Boss gets the engines started and asks me to go inside.

I start helping out with the brooms and we finally get the flood on the outside under control. But there is still a lot of water on the inside and we need to get it all out.
I keep working, barefeet, and I keep going until boss with the floorwashingmachine (that worked exellent to get water up from the floor until the battery died) tells me to please go find dry clothes, and I’m allowed to take what I want from clothes section.
After that I get dry clothes, my shoes on, and we all keep going for a while longer until most of the water is gone.

After that it felt like slow going with everything else. We hardly got anything done and it was the big goods day with boxes and everything. I’m not happy today. I feel miserable I didn’t get anything worth done.

A customer came in later and had his basement flooded.
A friend of mine got 6 inches of water in her basement…just done decorating.

When I went to work today I should have listened more carefully. The thunder in the distance. The sudden rush of heated air. But I didn’t. I was so happy to see my coworkers and my boxes and goods again.

Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully it turns out better. But the weather forecast is not good.

 

Intensity

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Intensity in a song.
A song touching you until you are weteyed, until you cant take another five seconds of it anymore, and break down crying.
 
Intensity in sharing.
The sharing is bonding, connecting, voices uniting and talking as one, creating lively imaginations pounding through borders of ignorance and doubt,  until they crumble and are no more
 
Intensity in love.
The bursting flame burning your innermost self, sending you out of this world, out of your senses, leaving you breathless, realizing it is true, the faraway friendship is true.
 
Intensity in grief.
A footprint in your timeline, and the urge to go back to it, go back, stay with it, stay with it and cry. Wishing, longing, urging: Come back, dont leave me here!
 
Intensity in hope.
A heart. A big heart and what it left behind keeps giving long after its last beat. And thats what you have to hold on to, knowing you are going to have it back in your hands one day.

 

Balloons

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A quiet afternoon. A young man just been to the cinema with his friends. They bid goodbye, his friends reluctant, himself sure. He wanted to walk home. The weather was nice, he took his jacket off and slung it on his broad shoulder. His steps was confident, and though he was built big, his walk was soft like a cats.
 
He looked at the sky. Beautiful blue. He took a quick look around himself and walked on. Smiled, felt content and happy. It had been a great day.
 
As he walked along the last row of bars, the city noise slowly faded. Right up ahead was the park, with a pond. Sometimes swans swam there. He decided to go inside, find somewhere to sit, and just enjoy the quietude.
 
He pulled the jacket down, carried it in his hand as he entered the park, through the iron gate. Crossed the field of flowers spelling “Have a nice day” , and came down to the pond. As he arrived there were no birds present. Abit disappointed he sat on a bench nearby, decided to wait and see.
 
He was all in his own thoughts when he heard some commotion behind him.
 
Turning around he watched the scene unfold. There was a man, seeming his own age or a few years older, with a handful of balloons, trying to fasten them to a bench close to the flowerbeds. He was swearing loudly to himself. His gaze turned upwards, and suddenly the young man understood why the man with the balloons was so angry. Higher and higher they rose up in the air, Winnie the Poohs, red hearts, tigers and airplanes. It was such a beautiful sight he stayed seated just watching for a little while. 
 
Sorry for the guy that now had slumped down on the bench looking utterly miserable, he finally rose and tried to casually stroll over. 
As he came closer, he tried with a 
- Hi!
 But the man with the balloons didnt reply.
 The young man chanced on sitting down on the same bench. He stayed silent.
If the balloonman wanted to talk, he would.
At a closer look, the man had to be close to his thirties. He had short dark hair. A narrow face, with soft features, and brown eyes. His body lean, but strong. 
 
They sat spaced apart. Looking at the flowers, and the pond further ahead, still with no birds. The young man leaned back and rested his arm on the back of the bench.
 That made the man with the balloons turn to him. He looked so miserable.
The young man could nothing but feel for him. Their gazes met, and darted away. 
 
A heavy sigh. 
- Im sorry if my swearing offended you. But that, 
 he pointed up to the sky where they still could see some tiny spots, 
 - that was todays paycheck. 
 
The young man leaned forwards. Trying to catch the mans eyes.
 - Its ok. I would have been mad too if i lost a days pay.
 
He looked to the few that were left. A turtle of all things, mixed in with two hearts, Winnie the Pooh and a star.
 - Say, what do you want for a balloon?
 
The balloonman looked at him as if he was nuts.
 - Would YOU want a balloon?
 
The young man smiled.
 - No.
 
- Then why? 
 The incredulous look made the young man laugh.
 Then he reached out with his hand. Still smiling.
 - Hi. Im Thor.
The balloonman swallowed, not daring to meet Thors gaze, still disbelieving.
 Then out of nowhere he shook the hand, surprisingly gentle.
- Hi, he responded quietly, i am Niko.
 They let go, and Thor looked to the balloons again.
 - I would like to have them all.
 
Niko looked at him with eyes not comprehending what he heard.
 
- I mean it. There was something definite in his voice.
 Thor took out some dollar bills and asked:
 - Is this enough?
 
- Please, I dont know, is this some sort of….
 - No. I want all your balloons. Im going to give them away.
 
Niko took the money. Gently, as if they could break in his hands. He didnt count them. 
 - Thank you. You just made my day!
 Thor just smiled.
 - Will you help me untie these please?
 
Niko joined him, and soon the balloons were all in Thors hand.
 - Come, i would like to show you something.
 
Niko stayed while Thor just walked on, not even looking back to see if he was coming, and after hesitating he decided to follow.
 
They went down to the bench by the pond, and Thor looked to him, big smile breaking through, wagging his eyebrows. Then turned his face upwards to the sky, lifted the hand, and released the balloons. They rose to the sky just like the lost ones. He laughed like a child at the sight.
- Look at that isnt it just awesome? I told you i would give them away!
 
Nikos jaw was on the ground, but not for long. Thors laugh was so contageous. He gave up and joined in, and they stood looking for the balloons until they were gone.
 
Thor put a friendly arm on his shoulder. 
- Come on, lets call it a day and go for some coffee.
 

 

Im yours

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The restaurant was crowded. But that was ok. They got their menu’s and ordered.
They started talking business as soon as there was an opening to. But they finished fast, and mostly agreed. In fact he told her to go home and think about it. About the possibilities there actually were. And then come back to him and talk more. He was open to any questions. Anything.
She appreciated the honesty. She saw it in his face. He was relaxed, and he was eager to help her. She thanked him and promised she would.
After that they enjoyed their meal. Watched people coming an going, and waiters on their toes. As they waited for their desserts, he grabbed her hand across the table. She let him, looking into his eyes, and saw the smile in them.
As he paid, she saw something on the other side of the street, through the window. She took a gentle hold of his arm and led him out. He smiled when he saw what she discovered. There was a man with balloons. And one of those balloons was heartshaped, with “Im yours” written on it.
He let her pull him over, and enjoyed looking at the balloons with her, all the time knowing which one she wanted. He teased her, suggested Vinnie the Pooh. Or the airplane. She only had eyes for the red one, she didnt even listen.
The balloonman watched the two. Both at least ten years older than him, behaving like children over his balloons. He smiled sweetly. Then pulled out the red heart for her. As he reached out to give it to her, she was giggling, grabbing hold of it with both hands. Looking up to it, with such a happy face.
He just smiled and nodded to the balloonman, found some money and gave it to him. Then they went off, her hand in his, not caring about the change.
The balloonman shook his head, but felt warm inside. He watched the couple go, until they disappeared around a corner, the balloon fluttering behind them.

 

Bread

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” I wish it would rain”, she sighed and looked to her husband. He was as helpless as her, looking across their fields of wiltering barley. He came over and hugged her tight. His beard tickled her cheeks but she met his hug with her own strong arms. 
“We will get through this somehow. Save everything we can. And try again.”
She felt like crying. Screaming! But let the lump in her throat die with a big sigh.
He let her go. She went straight to the kitchen. Washed her hands, and took the flour, the water and yeast from their place in the cabinet, and started mixing. Pounded the dough flat again and again. Angry fists coming down on the dough. 
Tears melding into it all…..
 
Her husband came home for supper. The hot soup of vegetables, and her bread stood ready for him. They sat down in silence. He broke the bread with her and thanked the Lord for the meal.
“Thank you. This meal will keep us warm and well until morning when we are strong and ready for the new day”
She watched her love put a piece of the bread in his mouth and chew it. The bread with her anger and tears in it.
It felt like he ate it, like it relieved her, like he took her burden and carried it for her.
She touched his hand, looked into his eyes.
“I love you”
He smiled, tiredly, held on to her hand.
” I love you too, my dearest.”

Are you ready?

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She stood by the mirror taking a last look at herself. She saw the hair, left falling graciously down to her shoulders. Then the make up, discreet, still making her feel pretty. The dress, soft blue velvet, cut straight below her knee. She had been unsure, choosing between this one, and the long dark one.
Feeling slightly like a schoolgirl. She smiled at her image in the mirror.
That smile looked happy!
Just a few minutes left. She took a deep breath. No, it was not a date. It was a meeting.  At a restaurant. One she knew had a romantic, intimate atmosphere…..
Oh stop it! She shook her head.
The doorbell chimed. Here goes!
She inhaled sharply,  and hurried out, almost tripping in her own feet. Darn carpet!
Her hand opened the door. And there he stood. Dressed up in nice soft blue and black. She smiled, let him hug her, and asked him politely to please come in, she was almost done!
He filled her arms with flowers. Beautiful roses in red and white.
She was out of words, but smiled wide at the sight of them.
Then excused herself and went to the kitchen with them. Took the biggest vase she had and put them all haphazardly in. There was no time to tend to them. Later!
She smiled as she passed him in the hall, he stood calmly put where she left him. The bathroom felt like an oasis to her.
Ok girl. This is it. Dont forget to breathe!
A last trip to the toilet and to wash her hands.
His voice, was he abit nervous too? Or groaning?
- Are you ready in there?
- Yes i am! she exclaimed and came out.
She let him take her arm and lead her out of her own door.
She locked it, and off they went.
- Dont forget to breathe!
She turned sharply to him, and was quick enough to see the flash of amusement in his eyes.
Then they both burst into laughter.

 

Dance!

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Dance!

Make your wrist
move the fist
you cant resist
let the base
move your face
make your feet trace
the space
The drums
your hums
move your bum
make it feel..uhm…
and the song
it belongs
to the wrongs
and the rights
as you write
in the dim light
through the night
do not fight
it is yours
on your fours
sing the chorus
in the choir
share desire
burn the fire
make it glow
make it blow
side to side
going wild
let it slide
with the tide
Dance!

If a smile counts

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Its a long walk

And a silent talk
Its a rainy day
And wet dismay
Its hands in the pockets
Soreness in the eyesockets
Voice getting cracked
Holes in the jacket
Its a lost hope forgotten
Food for thought rotten
Sky once seemed so blue
Now it has lost its hue
But if a tear fell
If still a rose smell
If a smile counts
in one of lifes accounts?
Did it turn alright?
Did it look bright?
Did it find resemblance
In pure remembrance?

White paper

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A silent breeze.

She loved those words together. A silent breeze, followed by something about sunbeams and warm air. And a beautiful boy or girl being lonely, not knowing what was going to happen in just a little while.
She looked at her white piece of paper. The pen resting in her hand. Her eyes wandered to the window. The slight breeze outside. That word. Breeze.
Breeze in the trees. Breeze when you pass someone by. Someones scent in the breeze. Breeze on the beach, filled with seawater, salt, the sky.
Breeze in the mountains smelling pinewood.
She got up. She didnt feel like she was getting anywhere. The white paper still white.
Seagulls. She liked that word. Seagulls flying over the water. Seagulls close to the fishingboats. Seagulls waiting for anything tossed overboard. To dive in and swallow, dive in and swallow.
Until they are so fat they can hardly stay floating on the air. Breeze again. Seagulls in the breeze.
And oh. That beautiful girl or boy. And what happened to him or her.
Maybe her scent in the breeze, as he passes her by on a walk.
Maybe his cap blows away by the breeze, and she catches it for him.
She had enough. That white paper still white.
She found her coat in the hallway. Her scarf around her neck.
Jumped down the steps. The ground was white.
She smiled. She loved that word too. Snow. Soft snow falling down on her.
Snow in her hair. Snow in her face. Closing the eyes and feel the tiny stings of cold.
That white paper still white. Just as the snow.

Sailboat

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 Sail away, she hummed to herself, sail away and dont come back. The drawing was almost complete. Only some colouring of the sea, a nice touch of dark blue…no…lets add a shark in there too!
She drew the aerodynamic lines of a sharkfin in the raging sea. She drew with hard strokes making it stick out in black. There you go. Now sail away!
She checked the drawing. Her big brother in a sailboat, helplessly sent wherever the wind took him. She looked at his face. It seemed sad. The sea was raging, and… the sailboat rocked hard to the left? She got worried…what if it sank?
She didnt want him to drown! She just had enough of him!
Hurriedly she tore the drawing into tiny little pieces. Then went to the window to watch the treehouse. There he sat, dangling his feet, watching a bird on a branch above him.

 

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